Sunday, 19 February 2012

Morning Maze

Sunday morning, struggling to get out of bed. Trying to find a reason to start my day, but no reason seems good enough. I attempted getting out of bed twice, I walked to the kitchen, noticed the huge pile of dishes and then walked back to bed. I then laid there trying to figure out how to get out of bed again, and I thought if I have some coffee, perhaps it will give me the strength I need to start my day, but making the coffee required sorting through the dishes. It required dealing with the chaotic situation that existed in the kitchen, and I did not know how to maneuver through it all, it took too much energy already, so I went back to bed again, and closed the door.

Today seems to be harder than most days. Today there is nothing that I can say to myself that can soothe my aching heart enough to get myself out of bed. Darkness consumes me today, and it frightens me... I am a strong willed person, and I know that I will try again, but for now I will close my eyes and hope to dream of a place where breathing comes easy and my soul is light.

Update from later today:

I did eventually make it out of bed. A friend of mine did the dishes, made me some coffee, and did a good job at distracting me from my thoughts. Another friend who lives in another state, texted me saying "I thinks I found a way out of the maze", she (and I truly believe this woman could rule the world all on her own) looked up yoga exercises for me, that were conveniently near by and free; knowing that I probably wouldn't go if I had to travel too far or if I had to pay. She thought that yoga would help me breathe more easily and will lighten the weight of my soul.

I am so blessed to have people that are so thoughtful and kind in my life.

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