I realized something today... I realized that most of my life has been built out of fear. Fear of disappointing loved ones, myself, and fear of the unknown. I can't explain the feeling of coming to this dreadful realization... it makes me want to walk away from everything I've created. It makes me want to wash my hands clean from everything and start all over again. However, even if I had the chance to do it all over again, I don't know if I would make different decisions, I don't know what it's like to live a life, or to make choices and decisions not based on fear. I want to learn and discover who I am away from familial and cultural expectations. I don't want to hurt anyone, but most importantly I don't want to regret... What does that word even mean? I want to be a free spirit but I am not. I locked myself in a cage, and I don't know how to get out. I want someone to process all this information with, I want someone to go over the odds with me, but even so I push everyone away for fear of not living up to their expectations.
I write to you, because you are a stranger... I don't know you and you don't know me and most likely our lives will never cross paths... But I write you because I feel the need to send this out... to someone who doesn't know me, who may provide me with some words that may ease the pain for a while longer.